Eclipseee:D

Who's a twilight fan?! MEEEEE!
ima huge fan so you know I was happy AF when the third movie came out :D
I saw it, it was straight.
the fighting scene was nice AF :D they did a beautiful job on the third one! the second one was eh, the first one was EHHHHHHH ! but the third one ? straight :)

Kid Cudi: Half Man, Half Amazing

So this is Kid Cudi. One of my personal favorites. He's is indeed half man, half amazing. His songs are so fucking awesome. they're so .... real. His lyrics are so damn creative!

Favorites:
1. Up, Up & Away
2. Save My Soul
3. Down & Out
4. Mr. Solo Dolo
5. Do It Alone


omg, you HAVE to listen to all of them! or else you will not have a fully complete life. That's all now ! Kid power !!!

-_-

so the past couple days have been kinda straight. I mean, there's nothing notable that happened that will interest you, or anyone.

so last night I watched My Sisters Keeper for the first time. It's a sad movie. Real sad. I didn't cry during the movie though. I think I tried not to. I cried after the movie though. It wasn't entirely because of the movie. I mean the whole story line was sad but that's not why I cried. During the movie, the girl with cancer, (kate) had her mother the entire time that she had the disease. she had her when she went to her prom, when she had sex for the first time, when she got her first boyfriend, when her boyfriend died, even when she decided she was ready to die. after, I realized that a mother is the most special creature that was ever created towards a child. I mean, there are alot of dead beat fathers out there and alot of dead beat mother too. but when you do have your mother there physically, it
s very hard not to have her there emotionally. because any mother who is there everyday physically for their child is willing to do anything to make sure they're happy. to make sure that they are just about the happiest child around. I cried myself to sleep because my mother's there physically, but her mind is only interested in her eight year old son. you could say it's because he's younger, or because he's a boy. but that shouldn't matter. I'm her child too. why doesn't she care about me the same way she cares about him? why isn't her interest in me the same way it is in me? You can say I'm selfish too, I got that a lot. I got that I'm ungrateful, selfish. name it and I've been called it. it's sad because, how much can you possibly need to amplify that you need to care? It doesn't matter to her that I've been going through depression for the past year of my life. it doesn't matter to her that I've cried myself to sleep the entire summer last year because I started cutting myself and found it hard to stop. she doesn't care. she just wants me to grow up to be the lawyer she wants to be so I can take care of her. But, it's okay " label me what you like, im close to my victory, dozed in the fight " KidCudi

Day 2 Week 1 : Its hot as FUCKKKKKKK!!!!

shit, it's hot!

Real hot. Well I woke up in the heat, & went right back to bed * then I got up & made my brother's breakfast. Then I forgot to make mines * ; beautiful . The rest of the day was a pretty chill & lazy day. I wrapped Muffin's birthday present & wrote her letter so she could read it on her birthday . It was sad :( well most of my letters are always sad. then I watched movies ; tweeted & listened to music. Now here I am. Done with the day. I'm gonna see Lex. tomorrow. I haven't seen her in ages! Yea, I'm happy though. then I'm gonna see Jekiya & Ciera on Wednesday ; I haven't seen them since Thursday :) the rest of my week should be chill though :p

Day 1 of Summer Boredom .

so, this is what happened today:

I woke up, went back to sleep.

Noticed my mom went to work & got right back up to start the day without her :)

Cleaned my room. Got dust in my eye

Laundry. Texting.

Invited Alexis over for Wednesday because I haven't seen her in forever

Cleaned the kitchen

Made dinner for the wrong day

Got yelled at for making dinner on the wrong day

Helped my mother get ready for a party

Helped my grandmother get ready for the same party

got a shower. it collapsed on me.

called Muffin; she talked about Adonis. I showed that I didn't give a damn about him or his stupid sister's cookout that she went to but couldnt come to mine.

Got ready for bed.

realized I wasn't tired.

Went on Twitter ( @AyoNelly )

tweeted.

Got bored.

Logged into Blogger to tell all of you about the first day of summer boredom.

the end .

Now im going to read some FML's just so mine wont seem that bad .

Summer boredom already takes over . .

it is literally the last day of school and I'm already bored out of my fucking mind. the summer is always never my best time of the year. It's always horrible because my mother never lets me out of the house b/c she doesn't trust me. why ? I dont know.It sad because I dont mind that much. I have no loyal friends that I'd want to hang out with but the least she could do is try and let me not be in jail. My best friends going to camp. My mother is going to make me watch my brother all fucking summer. I have no other friends. My LIFE SUCKS ASS.

Im completly dreading this shit hole summer. I kinda want to spend time with my father though. but how weird would it be if his wife was there? Yea. so that's crossed out. i would have my best friend to chill with but she's going to camp and she only comes home on the weekend. when she does come home then she's going to want to spend time with her stupid ass boyfriend. fuck him. fuck them. fuck this summer.


But since I have nothing to do, then I might just blog about every single day of this horrible summer. Good luck trying to enjoy my life.

Love of My Life; Wher are you ?

"My heart; it beats, beats for only you"

" I have smiled to many people for more than a billion times but when I first saw you, my heart took over and smiled for the first time. "

Remember the time....

Remember the time we were scared to death of walking up to me because you thought I'd laugh when you spoke ?

Remember the time when you held me and whispered 'i love you' for all the times you whispered it to yourself?

Remember the time you held me in your arms and refused to let walk out of the room?

Remember the time you told me you'd do anything for me ?

Remember when you told me you'd love me forever ?

Remember when you said I'd never forget you because you'd never leave me ?


Remember ?

Summer Reading List

So, every summer I read. I'm not normal ( duh ) I read in the summer. .
I read when I have nothing to do.. which is all the time... I read whenever....

so this summer, I've got these books I want to read so far.....

that summer, sarah dessen

lock and key, sarah dessen

have a little faith, mitch albom

& some others I dont feel like mentioning..
but these are good ! I started 'have a little faith' already.. it's good! I can't take my eyes of it

Super Busy -_-

Not lying. I'm super duper busy with all the shxt that is going on between school & home . ugh, I'll spread more awesomeness soon!

NEW Leaf !

I'm trying this whole positive thing out. It's going to be hard though, I'm naturally a negative person. always looking for the wrongs in a situation, always highlighting them. I can agree there is something wrong with me when it comes to that. . .

I think I may try and change it; it's getting on my nerves & its getting on other people's nerves. its not them I'm worried about, it's me. Negativity isn't healthy for the mind, & God knows I'm already not healthy so I need to practice being more positive..

I got like three comments today saying "Shennell, cheer up"
; if its one thing that I hate, it's people telling me what to do when there is something wrong with me. . . .

I know there is something wrong w| me, don't make it a big deal. If you can't help then dont make comments about it at all..
that's just how it is... shit..

anywho, have a nice day to who's ever has no life and reads this crap daily :) but thank you :D

" @AngelaSimmons People often say what you think of yourself... Fix your thoughts if its negative... :) (when you love you nothing else matters) " -- got that off Twitter, how ironic that she tweet that when I was about to post this..... weird...


BE POSITIVE !!!

THIS JUST END !!!!!

A friend of mines just tweeted Justin Dior. If you dont know who that it is: it's diddy's son! !!!!!!! Sean Combs !?! his son! & he's fucking gorgeous !!!!!!!! OH MY GOD out of all the people to tweet on twitter; he tweeted my friend .. oh shit. & he's following her !! oh shit !!!! ahhhhhhh I'm so happy . . . . . Oh. Uh. Bye . :p

( unnecessary post ) *

Song Suggestion :)

New Artist: I like her :)

- Anjulie: Boom .
Favorite Songs :)
- rain ♥
- crazy that way ♥
- & more

SillyBandz :D

Oh. my goddess. Silly Bandz are cool :)

if you haven't heard about them yet, then you live on Mars. Everyone knows about them! they're the simplest new accessories, but they are soo addicting.!!!!

they're rubber bands when you put them on your wrists but when you take them off them they turn into all types of cool stuff. animals, sea creatures, instruments, food, all types of cool shiz!
&& omg, Ima feen for them!

I have like 30 but I only wear 15 on my wrists at a time because highschoolers are crazy about 'em & they will fight you for a silly-band!
trust me. they will.

you can collect them & trade them too. ..
they are soo cool ..
I'm always looking for people to trade them with & places to buy new ones. they have the limited ones that are hard to find in stores and the common ones too.

I still have some I want to collect though.... they are soo cool & i strongly advise you to get some because they are AWESOME !!!!!!

I have on right now: a duck, a pig, a train, a turtle ( NEW ), a music note, a lipstick, an elephant, a saxophone, a dog, a penguin, a dolphin, an apple w| a bite, an ant-eater, a bird, and a dinosaur! awesome, right !?

Liar, Cheater, Deciever, Heartbreaker < | 3

Is it me or is love a l w a y s blinding ? Because anyone that I know is in love is completely blinded by that other person and everything else around them is invisible. They see nothing else, they throw away everything just for their partner....
I don't think that's cool. it makes me sad that I've lost friends because they're completely live blind.

what happens is that they get real far in a relationship w| someone and because they do that they believe it's going to be that one for the rest of time. it may happen like that sometimes but very rarely. when people do that, they aren't prepared for the heartache and the heart break. nothing last forever. peace, love, happiness, food, heath, even eyesight; none of that crap lasts forever. because we all have to die sometime and somehow. that person that your in love with isn't going to save you from death when it comes. they won't. they'll try, but they won't.

I have friends that are freakin' 14,15,16, and 17 years old and been in a relationship for like seven months and think that shit's going to be forever. they believe it until they think that nothing bad is going to happen with that person and when heartache's come and when reality takes a slap at their relationship they dont know how to handle it. they dont. it's because they've been in such a happy place for such a long time and when that crap comes then, they're lost, they go in complete despair and cry and go right into depression mode and THEN that when they want to turn back to their friends for advice and help.

they care a shit about them when they were in a happy relationship then that's when they want to talk. it pisses me off to even watch that shit happen. because I am always the friend being cut off and forgotten and when they break up then I'm Mrs. Therapy. Fuck that. that's why I don't get close to people at all. even if I do get close then I have those deep moments of closing myself off from them because I'm am afraid of getting hurt. Yes. i admit it. I'm afraid of getting hurt.I'm not saying that you should close yourself off from the world and not fall in love, but don't forget the ones who got you through all the heartaches before. all the friends that held your hand through all the rough spots and all the other shit.

dont forget about the ones that are going to be their longer than some boy or some girl. I know for a fact that its not a good feeling when your being left behind because a friend got into a relationship and it got strong.

Even when the friend didn't do it on purpose, they may not realize that your long talks are now about that persons boyfriend or girlfriend, or that the long talks are now becoming short conversations about school or projects. or even that when they're in a bad mood because of a fight about their boyfriend or girlfriend, it being taken out on you.

Here's my advice: tell them.
say something, dont just be quiet because you think your overreacting, tell them.

It saves you a lot of heart ache and crying at night. ( only if your a person like me that cry's about everything wrong )

don't forget to fall in love, it's beautiful ♥
Just watch where and how your falling before you fall into some deep deep chocolate ♥(:

( Sorry i got kind of personal there, I just get aggravated because it's a bad feeling and I don't want other people to go through it ) ; *

Living Inside of Yesterday .. < 3

today was bleh so far. Just as much as my other Saturdays.
I need to find a life and people who agree with that notion.

Muffin visited me yesterday :)
I was happy about that .
We don't really get to spend alot of time together anymore.
She's always busy. or sleepy. or just lazy...
But, I really dont mind because she has alot on plate right now ; like her sweet sixteen & maintaining a full relationship w | the dochehbag she calls her boyfriend
, Im just kidding, he's cool sometimes. plus she has school & shiz , that's alot. PLUS her mommy's prego & she already has two bros & sisters at home .. yea, no time for Jelly :(
oh well, I'm pretty busy myself. but it's always nice to have some time with my Muffin :D

iloveher < 3 we had a nice time ; we talked a lot . about me , about Mexicans , & etc.

She wanted to know what was up with me and why I was crying yesterday . Of course, I didn't answer. I lied my ass off . I felt bad after but that's just me, I have some serious trust issues and I didn't want to add any type of stress to her load . so I kept my issues to myself, plus I didn't feel like crying on her shoulder, I was in a good mood.


But, she's going to find out sooner or later because I emailed her the link to this blog. smh, I'm stupid . Oh well, she deserves to know about this stuff. I just hope she's not unbelievably mad at me for not telling her about it when she demanded it .

The Past Sucks . It Keeps Coming Back . . . .

" Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future. "

"there comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about the people from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future." ♥

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment."

"Prejudice is a burden that confuses the past, threatens the future and renders the present inaccessible"

I'm Made Out Of Wax, Larry, What Are You Made Out Of ?

Lmfao, I named the blog after a song.

Yes, that's a song by A Day to Remember ( a good band btw * )\

any who, there was no sole purpose for the title. I just didn't want the title to be something sad and depressing, like my day. Which I'm going to know blog about... good luck trying to understand the reason for the day being depressing.

Okay, so last night after my last blog post, I completely broke down . Don't ask why. I'm just sensitive like that. . . . yea.
I was just full of thoughts and full of things that should not have been brought up..
that led into the next morning ....I had a bad morning and just kept thinking about the summer and whatnot. I thought I was going to be able to block it out at least until I got home or something. Nope

the complete opposite . I just started crying and shxt by second period. I couldn't stand the things I was thinking. They always told me in school that thinking was good. Not! I didn't realize how much it pains me to cry. I was just cold and it hurt my chest. It felt like nothing was in my heart. I couldn't feel my face or the tears touching it.
I have no idea what came over me. & to make it worse, someone saw me crying and decides to ask me my most hated question, 'what's wrong' I just said the usual and tried to keep my day steady and slow paced . I tried doing homework every free period because I didn't want to start crying again. there were some times during other periods when I felt like the tears where coming again. I stopped them . I can't stand the thought of Muffin worrying about me again. I'm fine, really. really. REALLY. REAALLLLLYYYY. really . . . yea no, but really ...... Alright, there's something wrong . but how in the world do you tell your best friend that you don't think you can make it alive another summer. How do you tell her that you don't think your life has a purpose anymore. How ? How do you start up a conversation about not being alive ? Just... how ..

& she keeps saying take one step at a time and the right time will come when I'm happy but that time will come too soon and I'll just be gone. . . . .

Changes ?

Oh Lord . I found out some new things that really surprised me today. I was introduced to a friend's blog today. I've know her for all of this year but I heard she had an interesting blog so i asked if I could read it and she said okay. Because she is a close friend, I read every single entry and read between every single lines. she's been writing since April of 2009 so it was alot of entries to read. I understood everything she's been through. I thought I knew her pretty well but when I read it. Omg, I found out somethings about her that were so ....shocking. I never knew she went through so much and done so many things that were just unhealthy.

Now I know for sure that I'm not the only one who's gone through that type of stuff. But, the only question I have now is: am I the only one that had never gotten through this whole depression thing? or is it just me that it's taking forever to leave from . I now know over four or five people that have been depressed and only one out of those hand full know about all the issues I have. all those people I know have gotten better including the one that knows about me. I just feel like their is no hope at all for me.

My bestfriend had felt this way for along time and it even began before me and she's gotten so far in her evolvment with getting over it and I just feel like I'm stuck. the situation was open to everyone in my family ( by accident ) and it's like no one takes me seriously. I was just listened to and ignored. by my own mother. My mother. Honestly, I feel like if your mother or your parent doesn't love you like you want them to.. its just going to be hard moving on with that hurling on your shoulders forever.

Of course, I did some things that I'm not proud of doing during this process and I've stopped. I stopped hurting myself. I stopped writing. I started crying. I just stopped doing anything that made me feel alive. . But now there's nothing to satisfy me to make me feel ... not dead.

The people or person that could be the one could help me has no damn time for me. She's always doing something or going to do something. sometimes I just can't watch people move one and keep going and I'm just stuck in the same damn place I was in like last year. I don't like change but it'd be nice if I could just not fake happy anymore.

I'm going to end this crap right here because now I'm crying and I think someone's going to ask me the same infinite question: 'what's wrong?' . I seriously dont like that question because I can never answer it . . . . .

whaaa ? / confusion much ?

So, I've been hearing about this new "Tumblr" crap . what the noodles is it ? Is like a blog site like this one ? or just a cheat copy ? if ti was a cheap copy then why in the hell is everyone on it & not this ? ! grr. I hate things that confuse me .

speaking of confusing, life . life is confusing .

I always listen to my instinct when it comes to things like relationships and even when its my friends relationships. I'm always the one they come to when things are starting out good and start going real bad. I am just intuitive . that's how it is . This one freaking time I like the mind and body take over the heart for a friend, the whole thing seems like its going fine and then BOOM ! that shxt goes and turns upside down.

and it sucks because I was the one who was all for this crap & now it feels like its my responsibility that this whole this blew up in her face or is going to blow up i her face! this is way I usually keep my awesome powers to myself and not share them with others because I'm the best friend, and I feel shitty .

ugh . but on the bright side, I made a funny joke today & I'm going to help out another friend today & hopefully lead HER in the right directions this time. :D