-_-

so the past couple days have been kinda straight. I mean, there's nothing notable that happened that will interest you, or anyone.

so last night I watched My Sisters Keeper for the first time. It's a sad movie. Real sad. I didn't cry during the movie though. I think I tried not to. I cried after the movie though. It wasn't entirely because of the movie. I mean the whole story line was sad but that's not why I cried. During the movie, the girl with cancer, (kate) had her mother the entire time that she had the disease. she had her when she went to her prom, when she had sex for the first time, when she got her first boyfriend, when her boyfriend died, even when she decided she was ready to die. after, I realized that a mother is the most special creature that was ever created towards a child. I mean, there are alot of dead beat fathers out there and alot of dead beat mother too. but when you do have your mother there physically, it
s very hard not to have her there emotionally. because any mother who is there everyday physically for their child is willing to do anything to make sure they're happy. to make sure that they are just about the happiest child around. I cried myself to sleep because my mother's there physically, but her mind is only interested in her eight year old son. you could say it's because he's younger, or because he's a boy. but that shouldn't matter. I'm her child too. why doesn't she care about me the same way she cares about him? why isn't her interest in me the same way it is in me? You can say I'm selfish too, I got that a lot. I got that I'm ungrateful, selfish. name it and I've been called it. it's sad because, how much can you possibly need to amplify that you need to care? It doesn't matter to her that I've been going through depression for the past year of my life. it doesn't matter to her that I've cried myself to sleep the entire summer last year because I started cutting myself and found it hard to stop. she doesn't care. she just wants me to grow up to be the lawyer she wants to be so I can take care of her. But, it's okay " label me what you like, im close to my victory, dozed in the fight " KidCudi